Wednesday, 11. May 2005

read the starwars entry!

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before the end of the star wars

People of the earth, hear what time it is: the end is near, the end of star wars.

These days, hammered by TV ads to see Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, we have to go into silence and think about ourselves and our future.

Why? because episode 1 and Episode 2 were rather crappy animated low acted entertainment movies and didn't have the classy analog style of the first trilogy (star wars, empire strikes back, return of the jedi).

So, the Episode 3 thing somehow has to come up to this, especially, when we think about the plot that has to be expected. I will now sum up some of the things I expect to see, and after watching the thing check if they hit it right.

And remember: this is the last time in your entire life that you can still imagine these things before they get implanted in your brain visually in a cinema.

Print this list before going to the movie and mark all the points while you watch!
  1. First of all: love and babies. Anakin and Padme have to make love and babies, Luke and Leia.
  2. Luke has to be hidden on Tatooine (rather crap idea to hide the toddler of Darth Vader at his own step-brother's place..... Darth Vader must be sooo stupid)
  3. Leia has to be hidden.
  4. Leia gets a job as diplomat
  5. Leia gets a cool spaceship
  6. Leia gets the two robots C3PO and R2D2 (btw, can't darth find his own bots, this looser lets them fly away in an escape pod right before his muzzle in star wars IV, so much about the force and robots. Well Anakin surely loses some of his wits)
  7. Obi Wan gets old and looks like Alec Guiness instead of Ewan Mc Gregor
  8. Obi Wan hides on Tatoine in a small worn down appartment and loses his Jedi Job.
  9. Obi Wan changes his name to Ben Kenobi (perhaps he owes money to Jabba the Hut?)
  10. Anakin gets the cool Darth Vader outfit (which is the want-have of everybody, man this would be great for work)
  11. Anakin hits himself with a light sabre on the head to get the scar we see later.
  12. Anakin gets this shell-thing like room were he can undress and watch holos.
  13. The good clone army that helped the jedis so nicely are now bad Storm Troopers
  14. Yoda stops flying around
  15. They build a "death star" to rule the galaxy (pinky, what are we going to do tonite?)
  16. The plans of the "death star" are stolen by brave secret service men of the rebellion. Many die trying. (they say so later, so much dying expected on this one)
  17. The stolen plans are given to Leia (probably by a spy who is badly wounded and then muttering some heroic stuff before dying in her hands. cool)
  18. btw: a rebellion is founded and builds more than one base. ("there was a base on X but it was empty")
  19. The X-Wing is invented and mass produced
  20. Somebody got to be an emperor
  21. Darth Vader kills all Jedis but Obi wan, Yoda and his own kids (in episode IV the death star conference guy says he killed them all). So much boring hollywood lightsabre swinging expected here. Surely more interesting than anakin killing the sand people that took hostage his mother
  22. Jar Jar Binks dies (well, he is no char in the later series, and was only for the kids, so be gone, man of waterworld)
  23. Anakin has to have some reason for his Darth Vader life support outfit, perhaps some lung disease from smoking or hitting a power surge while flying
  24. Yoda stops jumping around like a rubber ball
  25. Yoda moves to the swamp planet in the Dagobah system and moves into a worn down hut (like obi wan, these ex-jedis seem to go for cheap housing)
  26. somehow all Jedis move to worn down huts on lonely planets, say goodbuy to the nice offices on Coruscant
  27. This probably means: the "great jedi archives where you can easily delete information about a system where I placed an order for an army of 300.000 klones" will be destroyed. The archives, the funny training room with the holo map, etc.
  28. Darth Vader does not kill all Jedis. Probably he is overestimating himself a little, as he didn't find his own kids and his own robots, he probably forgets half of the Jedis in the killing. Look forward for an "easy-escapable-situation" death plot, perhaps with sharks with lasers on their heads
  29. Little Boba Fett grows up and gets the same cool "Mc Gyver-meets-Swiss-Army-Knive" suite that his father wore. And he collects money for Jabba the hut (hm, actually this thing is after Episode IV, but perhaps Jabba gets aquainted with Jango in Episode III)
  30. The Storm Troopers develop some culture, perhaps mate and are a happy folk of their own. (these 5 year old clones on steroids can talk about the latest aircraft while obi Wan shuts down some Power Chord on the death star in Episode IV)
  31. Because they are all of one family: probably someone is the father of Han Solo and Chewbaca is a step brother of Jar Jar Binks (Ingrid questions this last assumption)
  32. Leia gets adopted by some noble couple, to get the prefix "princess"
  33. From a movie magazine: C3PO gets his brain deleted to be inable to tell the hiding place of luke to anyone. For this noble deed he gets his golden outfit
  34. Leia grows up a few years with padme, Padme is a loving and beautiful mother (Leia remembers that in Episode 6).
  35. Luke is hidden right after his birth (he does not remember his mother whereas Leia remembers something)
If I find more story parts, they will be added accordingly.
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larszapf - 11. May, 10:32

Ergänzung zu 22.

Jar Jar Binks findet seine Jar Jar Binkine, heiratet und ist glücklich bis an sein Lebensende in 5000 Jahren.

tobbac - 13. May, 10:54

Obi Wan is a title

on 9. You wonder why Obi Wan Kenobi changes his name to Ben Kenobi. Maybe his name was Ben before, because Obi Wan is a honour-title for a Jedi. So most Jedis have that Title.
So when you talk of 'Obi Wan' later, you probably mean Mr. Kenobi.


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